I want to smile genuinely again
it’s been so long since
“someone once told me that
i should smile more often,
‘coz it was…brilliant
at first i didn’t have reason to
nor reason to believe
but now, now
i can breathe”
a deceptively natural mask she wore,
except that when she smiled—the smile
never fully materialized in her being.
it got lost someway, somewhere along the way
as it traversed through,
vying for those receptive outcomes
but unable to fully formulate its essence
it woefully fizzled.
others passed it off for tiredness—
which suited her purpose
I want to smile for no reason
and I have every reason to.
But why does my heart cringe
at that notion?
it subdues me instead
whispering sly passions.
I want to love! brazenly!
why does it cower?
it has nothing to lose
and it has every reason to.
perhaps, you’ll smile for me?
it’ll lighten my heart
that is my only wish
I am in love with my school life and maybe the social aspect of it. The week starts with discovering new lands and creations decoding world colors and producing ideas to be visually manifested followed by a physical invention phase. Using materials to give form to intangible ideas-simply lighthearted installations to bring about smiles.
That gives way to the technicality of softwares. Mapping out logic to display graphs, those that model life. Growth rates and death rates. Finding answers to questions that question the intangible essence called life. Late nights lead to this musing, as I find myself surrounded by numbers and vectors and matrices, and multi-dimensions, each whispering something to nudge themselves in some recess of my brain.
Then follows discussions of social relations and strategies, and thoeries that sews into talks about individual representations about parodies and pastiches, which is pushed into analytical essays. it’s full reversal from the beginning of the week. which started with creation rather than discussion and finding key words to embody my thoughts.
That drips into the creation aspect, and i once again i find myself submerged in ideas and wallowing in an on-rage of amazing-ness.
And still through all of that, I find a moment to take a breath, perhaps deck myself, and bring forth a smile.