There’s something about walking downtown when mostly everything is shut down. About being the lone wanderer, coz at such a time it becomes an anomaly to be alone. The stares become lengthend, not mere glances anymore but rather purposefully calculated tiptoeing looks, reading, calculating, deciding if an approach should be made. It’s always the looks first and once that is over, comes sudden smile, sort of guilt-ridden, ‘coz the glance was more than a glance. And if all this settles in the short few seconds, perhaps a word is said…but most of the time, it’s the silent questioning gaze, that holds the weight. what if i asked her something? would she respond?
am i worth the attention? who is she? why is she out alone at night? does she deserve to be alone?
I am in love with my school life and maybe the social aspect of it. The week starts with discovering new lands and creations decoding world colors and producing ideas to be visually manifested followed by a physical invention phase. Using materials to give form to intangible ideas-simply lighthearted installations to bring about smiles.
That gives way to the technicality of softwares. Mapping out logic to display graphs, those that model life. Growth rates and death rates. Finding answers to questions that question the intangible essence called life. Late nights lead to this musing, as I find myself surrounded by numbers and vectors and matrices, and multi-dimensions, each whispering something to nudge themselves in some recess of my brain.
Then follows discussions of social relations and strategies, and thoeries that sews into talks about individual representations about parodies and pastiches, which is pushed into analytical essays. it’s full reversal from the beginning of the week. which started with creation rather than discussion and finding key words to embody my thoughts.
That drips into the creation aspect, and i once again i find myself submerged in ideas and wallowing in an on-rage of amazing-ness.
And still through all of that, I find a moment to take a breath, perhaps deck myself, and bring forth a smile.