Last Verse

at night as i lay waiting to sleep
i wrote of death, how his cold
coldness would make me temperate
to the worldly burning and heat of my skin

at day as i sit waiting to fully aware
i write of life, how his warm
warmness would make me temperate
to the worldly freezing and cold of my skin

i keep flitting,
sinusoidally
though a bit more hyperbollically
the ascent and descent needs to
streamline, to somewhat a gradual
translocation
so that these intangible things
called emotions
will stabilize.

I started digging a grave for myself
the moment I opened my mouth to speak,
it was better un-moving unspoken
the moment I learned to smile,
it was better that these lips never creased
the moment I cared to care,
then this heart wouldn’t throb needlessly
the moment I realized to love,
then there’d be no ache.

it was all that
that barricaded me from breaking
But the pieces are falling
so inorder that nothing is lost
I’ve starting creating this earthly vessel
So that there be at least somewhere
where
I”ll be whole, even if it’s in pieces.

It’s hard to watch your ownself
unravel afore your own eyes.
To watch my demise so cleanly
clearly played out
and all the while I sit here
watching, numbly, watching,
because the warm cover of dirt
is the only blanket I need now.

i find myself perusing through old
pictures and looking at them
fondly maybe, definitely nostalgic

there is this weird foreshadowing
that i won’t be here tomorrow
because tomorrow is always so far
away
and today is all i have

Call me Rose
like the flower but
also like the word
as in rising and ascending
short-lived yet lasting
as a dull remembrance of
pounding beats
that still drum through
my skin, a reminder of
last nights and wanderings.

so call me Rose,
so that i may forget myself

emptiness versus quietness
one is deafening
and the other maddening.

both together
are
maddening.

my mind is asking me
for both.

Emptiness is all my mind asks for now
the constant bombardment of ideas
sounds nosh away at the littoral lining
of my mindly vessel

these thoughts that competely brim
on the lining of my mind, as sweet
and as epic they are, keeping wearing
away and making my appearance
a bit wild, a bit breathless
intense gaze out of black curtains
of flowy hair
pale pale skin and red red lips

and they mesh, to how he called her
his partner, a words so choicely chosen
to how how a simple new meeting
could cheer me beyond belief
they keep jumping, resounding
against the walls, making the lining
raw,
how his fingers caressed my arms
till my blood didn’t know how to breathe
to how smiles were teased
by heartfelt
to the many wandering missives
that must be birthed, coz
they will rot and muster
if not released.

to how i must dazzle, coz i can’t
help but be me and my eyes always
excite, but my mind slows, for it is
much too dashing for it stay engaged.
it pleas, nicely at first, but out
of desperation a bit louder, a shriller
till it stands out in opposition by
giving out.

how devlish of me to torture it so.

sometimes you just need to disappear
in order to find yourself
and then appear
alive of self

tiredness
loosens my tongue
what i would i have
said, i wouldn’t have
if it wasn’t for the languid
fluidity of this sludgy
derige
that intoxicates my
brain mind body
but mostly my
tongue
extensively that
my seemingly calculatory
frame, dissolves
rubbed away
by the thickeness
and slowness of this
flow
and i find myself
spilling carelessly
thoughts that i had
meticulously bound
so that they wouldn’t
escape

how they betray me now

Volatile
That’s the only word that’s been
coming to mind
when I try to answer the question
How are you?

How are you?
Quite volatile

If I could kill with a smile
it would be
a very sweet smile

somehow that isn’t surprising

The word lover
is thrown around
so carelessly

How many lovers
do you have?

a question of loving
wondering
forms on tongues

I love furiously
graciously
thunderously
Coz in loving love
it manifests itself
as a perfect harmony
a lovely trill
vibe-ing
to the heartstrings
in resonance
to a gossamer
melody

so in reality,
loving love
i’ve lost myself
in this
pensiveness
and
there be
a lover,
perhaps.

Wore a sari for no reason
Lost myself in the pleats
Coz the many folds
reflected so graciously
the physical existence of my mind

To actually feel the feel of the folds
and not just see them
in my mind, actually traverse the ways
Except this was the soothing way
A familiar path, familiar way
always with a pleasant smile
My fingers traced and graced.

How jarring with my mind it seemed
the soft silky cloth traveling tracing
across my back to my chest and
down my shoulder…

Couldn’t a soft thought do that too?

Chase a thought
till
it can’t be chased
no more

drown a thought
with
steely calculation
till it explodes out
of frustration
at the adamancy
and sheer locus
of deluge
delusional pursuit
that it tires
and accepts
so demurely
sly-ly aware
of its
subservience.

The birth of me
was the death of me.

The day I was born
the world smiled
and I cried.

I peered into dreams
and was dismissed
as a star-gazer
lacking affluence.

I laughed in cheer
derision arose
for being too careless
and carefree.

I adored furiously tenderly
and was disparaged
for being foolish.

The death of me
was the birth of me.

The day I died
i smiled
and the world cried.

About you
whom I love so
openly dearly
that after not seeing
you,
our fingers entangled themselves
in haste, happiness,
in scintillating joy
They expressed what words
couldn’t and didn’t
Even though we both are
master wielder of words

How does a poet write
about a poet?
What I say, you see, and
What drips from your eyes
I give depth too.

How does a poet express
to a poet?
When we are the ones
who give words to those
intangible moments.

About you,
a poet,
You need not my words
to embellish
carelessly
we speak by the visceral
intangibility.

And that is enough.

she
pulls back, and recedes
into these many layers
bestowed by constructs
that constricts breath-
breathing, under these
factions, fractions, de-
fragment fragmenta-
tion. breaking shatter
shattering, simply slice
through the supple flesh
so easily full, full-filling
at the filling, out-pouring
flowing billowing of an
easy desire.

Find me
if you wish
while i hide
plainly and clearly
in this perceivable
sight

it isn’t the unmeshing
unlayering
that needs to be done
in order to see
me
for
me

for once
and
for all
it is
just me

i saw a heart float away
today
as it ascended
i wished
it were my heart,
sinews and all
being wrenched
and taken all
the way
up there.

perhaps i’d enjoy
the view
as my body
crumpled.